If Thou Must Love Me
by Zara Allegra Vespertine
Summary: A powerful man like Izana Wistalia should be content with riches and influence bestowed to him since birth; and yet why does he feel like trapped inside a gilded cage? He knew what he is destined for, but he longed for something he cannot have. The pain of wanting someone he cannot have. Or is it within his grasp? Inspired by Ch58. Izana POV oneshot. Please heed the M rating.


I decided to post the complete version. I'd like to think I have improved a little in presenting lemon-ratings with classy descriptions. Here is the latest attempt. Don't make me regret posting the complete version, otherwise, I would be locking this work at AO3 members' view only. Of course, this version is also available at AO3.

Please heed the M-rating.

* * *

 **Title: If Thou Must Love Me**

 **Inspired by: Chapter 57 of the manga Akagami ni Shirayukihime**

 **Pairing: Shirayuki and Izana Wistalia**

 **Status: Complete (Unbeta-ed One-shot)**

* * *

I watched her in the shadows, bidding goodbye to my own brother. They both knew that her assignment to Lyrias would take a minimum of two years- more, if their research expands further than anticipated. I experienced her work firsthand during my undercover stay in the Northern regions of the country. She managed to pull off a feat by investigating the cause of the epidemic relentlessly, gathering the pieces together and conveying her findings to Ryuu as they frantically worked against the clock to find the cure.

Rarely do I express my approval with her work. Even when she knew odds are stacked against her, she did not abuse my brother's influence. Instead, she skirted her way around to try and find a solution to prevent more people from acquiring the disease.

I supposed I should be blamed partly for their separation. I encouraged Garack Gazelt that the earlier Ryuu is sent to Lyrias to advance his learning on the various plants endemic to the Kingdom, the better he can pioneer discoveries of new medicine that will benefit the citizens. I even suggested that Shirayuki is equally promising not just as Ryuu's assistant, but in the field of botany and chemistry. And these two would be assigned to a good lab and spacious rooms in the Scholar's avenue, where they can interact with peers renowned for their expertise and knowledge in different fields. They would be safe there; having acquired the status of Royal pharmacists guarantees protection and special treatment.

Unsuspecting about my intentions, Garack Gazelt agreed wholeheartedly. She expressed her hopes for Ryuu, having personally trained him since he entered the Castle four years ago. She went about and began to prepare her office in reassigning tasks, while she informed Ryuu and Shirayuki of their impending trip to the North.

I intend to train Zen, and my comprehensive list leaves no room for romantic entanglements. I do intend to let him wed one day, but with the increasing amount of work we need to do, it may take roughly about two or three years for our work to stabilize. By then, Zen would be of age when I can truly make judgments whether he is competent enough to support me in my rule.

Additionally, this would also mean that the two would be separated indefinitely. Seeing as this might do the both good, I knew I am subjecting them to more tests. Their hearts are young and yet prone to weaknesses. Zen might be making a commitment he might have difficulty honoring in the future. Shirayuki's disposition towards my brother may eventually change, too.

Or so I hope to believe it will.

 _Liar_. A voice inside my head whispered.

I clenched my hands into fists, my eyes still trained on the couple embracing tight under the moonlight. Theirs is a young love, fragile, with no permanent roots to speak of yet. However, why do I feel as if my heart is being twisted like so, when I see Shirayuki letting my brother caress her face ever so gently?

Do I envy my brother's boldness in declaring his intentions for her? As a King, I do not have such privileges to speak of. My chosen bride is someone that will greatly benefit my family's connections and bring more prosperity to this country. One can say, my reasons for marrying are for

practical reasons: to produce an heir, to establish good connections, to bring more wealth in our coffers and to ensure the people's happiness. I am marrying for the sake of the country at best, not for my own interests.

It sounds a little depressing for a common folk when they realize the implications of making an alliance through marriage. They only know of a simple life, and marriage shouldn't come with such a heavy price to pay.

I've known this all my life, been groomed by hundreds of years of customary practice, to rule and be king .

However.. How does one man, such as I, would pay to experience a love that has the possibility of transcending time and space? How can one King, who holds power and riches beyond anyone could ever wish for, can desire for something so simple, and yet so unattainable?

I lifted my head up when I heard her speak.

 _Take care._

Her voice; so soft and so sweet. It reminds me of running spring waters, tempered by soft green moss, soothing to the soul.

They broke apart. My heart swelled with relief.

Shirayuki's hair gleamed under the bright moonlight. Her skin looked like finely carved marble; her lips, as red as her hair. For the two years, she worked side by side with my brother, who would've guessed that this gamine, naive girl would slowly blossom into a winter rose, full of promise and allure?

My eyelashes lowered, as she walked past to where I hid in the shadows. Footsteps echoed dimly in the hallway like clocks ticking, the noise seemed to taunt at me. _Coward, coward._

Zen continued to watch her back, waiting for her to turn into the corner of the corridor where her room sits right at the end. His eyes looked sad and troubled, his mouth slightly open, wanting to say something, but holding his tongue at the last minute. For a moment, he reminded me of my brooding self.

Without making a sound, I left my hiding place and sprinted my way towards the other end of the passageway; where, one of the cupboards supposedly holding linens and sheets actually camouflages as a hidden room. I used to explore the whole castle when I was Zen's age, albeit, surreptitiously, finding all the secret rooms and hallways that very few people are aware of. Wistal Castle has been the residence of the Wistalia family for generations. Its secret rooms and escape routes were part of the family's contingency plans should the Castle be attacked by outside forces.

My hand ran along the rough-hewn stones used to form the walls, heart thumped in rhythm to her footsteps as she slowly took her time to reach her room.

 _Step. Step. Step._

Correctly gauging where she stood, I burst out of the side of cupboard, glimpsed her slim figure as she paused next to her bedroom door. Before I can check my actions, my arms engulfed her.

She gave a start, her breath warm, as I covered her eyes and mouth to prevent her from making unnecessary noises.

"Ssshh.." I whispered.

I dragged her inside the secret room, closing the door securely behind us; there, under the very dim lighting, I hugged her close to my chest, her thundering heart echoing with mine.

"If you promise not to make a sound and not to turn around, I will let you go." My hoarse voice sound urgent to my ears.

She nodded. It took me a moment to decide whether to trust her or not. But Shirayuki, being Shirayuki, there's not a chance that she will break her word. If integrity and honesty are precious commodity, Shirayuki would give us a run for our money. I do not know whether to admire her guts for being stubborn or pity her. The world is always full of people who will always take advantage of her naivety. But she is, and she will always remain one of the handfuls of people I can truly count on. And she will _never_ know that from me.

I slowly released my hand from covering her mouth, gently caressing her lips intimately. For a split second, I was deluded about the fact that she has bestowed a kiss on the inside of my palms. I almost hissed with pleasure and agony at the mere thought of it.

My fingers continued to glide from her mouth, to her jaw, down to her neck and shoulders in slow motion, wisps of her hair stimulating the friction between our skins. I drew down a heavy-lidded gaze on her slender shoulders and the taut skin at the base of her neck; my nostrils flaring at the subtle, sweet smell of orange blossoms, honeysuckle and crisp red apples.

"Wait."

She surprised me by making a sudden move. She gripped my hand before I completely withdrew from touching her.

"I.. I will miss you..." she held me close to her jaw, my hand caressing her skin like what my brother did earlier. I bit my lip to prevent from groaning loud. Her every gesture made me so painfully aware of her presence.

 _Zen._

Even if she did not utter my brother's name out loud, I still got the impression that being mistaken with a different name felt like a thousand knives are plunging deep into my chest. Such a naive girl, unaware of her surroundings. _She thinks it is still Zen who has come to chase her loneliness away_.

My dark thoughts and shadows threatened to swallow her. I shouldn't be doing this- capturing her, dragging her in this secret location. What do I intend to achieve with this confrontation?

I considered calling out her mistake. But then, will I be able to accept the look on her face if she realized that the one who captured her was actually I, Izana Wistalia?

Pressing her suddenly against the wall, she gave a gasp when my hand left her jaw and moved to cover her eyes again.

"Ah.."

I pulled a scarf free from its knot at my neck; I slid the silky material over her face, blindfolding her, effectively cutting off her vision with a piece of my own clothing. She placed one palm on the wall in front of her, her neck twisted to one side, letting me show her face in rich profile: perfectly shaped nose, strong chin, the high cheekbones and cupid's bow mouth begging for a kiss.

Against my own judgment, I let my hands explore down, skimming the tops of her chest, down to her flat stomach. All soft curves against the hard planes of my muscles.

I wanted to believe that she fitted me perfectly in this fashion, holding her close next to my person. Despite the barrier of clothing between us, I can feel all her curves in the right places. Shirayuki is slowly blossoming into a woman worthy of a man's attention. In two years, she would be ripe for the picking.

She stood quite still, never making any noise of protest. But I can sense she is a little frightened by this experience. I can feel subtle tremors all over her body as she fought the sensations my caresses brought her. My hands stopped short when I reached her thighs.

I drew back, for the first time unsettled by the impulsiveness of my actions. I feel ashamed by it, taking advantage of an innocent young woman whom my brother declared is his intended bride. But how can I accept it? I cannot seem to bear seeing the two of them together, let alone think about the inevitable future. Zen may be second prince, but he gets to live the life he has chosen on his own; while I may be King, but my life choices are for the general good.

 _La douleur exquise._

It seemed so unfair; so unkind of fate to shut the gilded cage I find myself imprison in, while Shirayuki struggles to escape hers. If we are destined to be in cages, why can't we be together?

I opened my mouth to apologize, only to be interrupted.

"If it would help alleviate your loneliness, _you have my permission_." She replied softly.

I frowned, unwilling to believe the words I have just heard. Is she reading my mind?

"What?" I asked hoarsely.

She bowed her head. Her fists were clenched in determination. I wanted to scold her right then and there for giving in so easily. And yet, I was intrigued by her surrender. Her posture says it all.

"Why?"

"Because, it will help me to get by. A memory to remember. Feelings may fade in time. But memories last a lifetime. I…we may not have this opportunity again." Her chin trembled.

I let out a low curse, my body betraying the fact that I was aroused by her invitation. "A-are you sure?" I blurted out, my voice very much different from my normal tone. Had she lost her mind? Surely she is not implying that..

She turned to face me. Still blindfolded securely by the scarf, and yet her boldness seemed to have doubled. She let her hands search for me, fingers outstretched, while I took a step back, watching her, wrestling my want for her. Groping clumsily while I stared back at her in shame and disbelief, she snatched nothing but air.

My chest filled with various emotions: shame, guilt, greediness, arrogance. I have power over her. She is a willing victim. And yet, why am I hesitating?

I reached out for hand, grasping it with my own. They felt warm.

Slowly, I let her run her palms past my wrist and elbow, tracing my arm until she cupped my jaw, surprised by her sweetness.

"I found you.." she whispered.

My heart melted.

I leaned down and captured her lips with mine.

I can describe my kiss to Shirayuki like the way I describe those times when I feel happy and free;

It feels like I jumped over a cliff with not a care about smashing on the rocks below. Or being in a ship, braving an angry sea; with sea salt spraying on my face, and heart pounding with every wave crashing on the ship's brow.

Maybe I should describe instead, how her lips taste sweet the way apples taste while I sit underneath a tree, munching and smelling the ripe fruit while I leaned back to relax with not a care in the world.

My teeth caught her lower lip and I bit gently, coaxing her to open.

Her kisses may be clumsy, untrained, unused to the demands of a practiced lover. I have known that she only kissed my brother a few times- chaste kisses that would make a seasoned Casanova laugh with pity. I have my share of bedding wenches and willing women- after all, I am merely a man with needs that must be fulfilled. God knows how easy it is to find willing women to tumble about in bed without the need to worry whether they would be needy or clingy.

Shirayuki's lips are both. And yet, I did not mind indulging her.

Our teeth clashed awkwardly. I let out a low _tut-tut,_ like a school teacher.

"So impatient."

She paused, panting, a little out of breath. She's been straining herself to reach me, standing on tiptoes. She is such a small sprite compared to my height. And yet I did not mind. With her standing, so close to me, molding our bodies together, I'd say she is my perfect fit.

"Relax." I whispered, capturing her lips with mine again. "Follow my lead."

My hand caught her hair, tilting her further, drawing her even nearer. Coaxing her lips apart, I probed in, using my tongue. Properly tasting her, I found myself delighted with her sweetness. Sweeter than fruit wines.

I am not a connoisseur for nothing. If Shirayuki is a wine, I would no sooner be drunk. She tastes intoxicating, headier than the strongest alcohol I have tasted. And yet, I wanted to have my fill of her. Take my time to savor, let myself succumb in her power.

She gave a soft gasp when I nipped her jaw. I love the sounds she emitted, her reactions in tune with her sensitive skin.

"Shi..ra..yuki…"

Linens rained down behind her. Unable to find a good anchor for her hands, she grabbed one of the shelf above her.

"Touch me." I commanded.

Hesitant fingers landed on my brow. Feather soft fingertips traced the bridge of my nose and the corners of my mouth.

She has only to touch my face and I seemed to ignite like a wildfire.

"Can't..wait.." I told her.

Still with her back resting hard against the stone wall, I gather her skirts around her waist, cotton underwear pulled down roughly to the floor. I have barely touched her underneath, but I can already feel her sweet dampness. I almost wept with need.

"Are you sure?" I asked urgently. "It would be difficult, but if you consented…" my voice became harsh. " _I won't let you go_."

The buckles of my pantaloons gave a dull _thud,_ followed by the rustling of drawers dropping on the floor.

One of my fingers probed her insides and she surged against me.

"It's a little too late for modesty now, with your fingers dipping inside." she whispered, her voice straining. "And I told you: it will would help you overcome your loneliness…and mine." Her voice gave way to a gasp when I pressed my lips against hers.

I do not wish to destroy this illusion. This one time is all I must remember her for the next couple of years.

My hand automatically hooked her leg on my waist. Despite the fragility, she emits, she has shapely limbs, all proportionate to her small stature. Guiding myself at her entrance, I could feel myself sliding against her lower nether parts. Already her heated core excited me so much I have difficulty reigning my desire for her. My need for her is too great that I might expire before I even started.

She bit my lower lip a little too hard when I pushed myself in. Letting out a gasp, her hands locked on my shoulders, squeezing me tight. She feels tighter than I anticipated. The bunched-out muscles of my back strained against my heavy clothes.

I withdrew a little before pushing myself further in. I felt the muscles of her sheath tightened around me, fitting me like a glove. Gritting my teeth at the sensations she's giving me, I filled her up to the hilt.

We stood there for a few seconds, not really making any more moves. I wanted her to get used to me. I never really expected her to accommodate my girth; against my size, I can be a _little_ big for some women.

I knew that the pain of the first time might be too much for her; her quick gasps for breath indicated it. The scarf covering half of her face were soaked with her tears. I glanced down at her, noting the skin glowing with sweat, her lips redder and swollen from my kisses, the pounding of my heart began to match the rhythm of her own heart.

Her sheath continued their spasms; I longed to answer back with a series of thrusts. Still I waited for her to catch up.

"What do you feel, Shirayuki?" My mouth hovered near her ear, and she flinched slightly. I bit back another groan, when her muscles continued to constrict around my hard shaft.

"I…" She panted.

I began to move slowly.

"What do you feel?" I asked, insistent.

"I feel.." She attempted to answer.

A little drunk with my dominance over her, I pushed back some more.

"Ohh…Oh!" Her teeth bit her bottom lip.

My two hands lifted her up, and still I slid inside of her even more.

Her sweet damp smell enveloped us like a cocoon, and I felt myself drowning with her delicious scent of apple and cinnamon.

 _Sweet Gods!_ My lashes fluttered shut, taking in the sensation of her. Even the most experienced wenches are no match for something like this: being joined together with more than just temporary lust. Here is passion, and tenderness, and giving. I can tell that the woman I am holding against my hard-beating chest is giving her best on this. Her enthusiasm is punctuated with awkwardness of her inexperience, but I still find her attempts endearing and sweet.

"I wanted you to feel me. Hear me. Taste me." I chanted softly. My feelings for her spilling out like water from a fountain.

Her lips formed a small frown. "How-?"

My fingernails dug deep into her soft, creamy skin. I feel a little frustrated and irritated that she never sees me as Izana. She always sees me as Zen's older brother or as the newly crowned King.

Like an angry, petulant child, punishing a toy, I pushed in and out from her, again and again. Each thrust became harder, bolder, more wicked.

She yielded so easily, as we both found our rhythm. Every time I surged in, her derriere gave a squeeze. A give and take. I can literally see stars at the back of my eyelids each time I increased the thrusting.

How can I get back to normal life after this? A stolen moment that should have been my brother's right to do. I snatched it from him. _Like a thief._

But even as the feelings of guilt and shame continue to course inside me, I never stopped forcing my way towards her.

And I can feel it. _She can feel it._ The wave rising. Tension mounting to a grand climax. All the liquid heat pooling in our lower bellies, as each thrust was met. Her jeweled button stood rigid and rubbed against my slick shaft. And her gasps quickened.

"Sweetheart," I moaned. "Dear, dear sweet, Shirayuki…I want you to feel all of me. Trust me. I won't let you fall."

She moved forward, my face buried in her neck. She murmured some incomprehensible words which I couldn't hear. All the air was knocked out from us as we stood for a moment at the edge.

And then the _little death._

Muffling her cries with my own mouth, I gave one final push.

I can almost swear that the earth moved beneath us. Or at least the brick and masonry surrounding us seemed to snap in reaction.

Hot seed spilled within her, mixing with her apple-scented cream. The sensations that crashed liked waves rendered us incoherent.

Sweat beaded my brow, plastering my blond hair against the back of my neck. Her fingers caressing it in a loving manner. _Surely, surely, she would have realized by now that I wasn't Zen._ The longish hair alone was a dead giveaway. Only I sported such hair; Zen cuts his hair short.

"I..I can still feel." She whispered.

My shaft still nestling inside her, albeit a little softer now, slicker, warmer.

I captured her lips again. Kisses interrupted with my declarations of love, and even devotion.

 _L 'altra medità di a mio ànima_ _._

 _Mo chuisle mo chroi._

For tonight, she gave me her all. And for that, she deserves my loving attention.

Our breathing slowed, her breath warming my neck. I can even feel the edge of my eyes brimming with tears of joy and sadness.

 _What have I done?_

No, I do not feel regret. I told myself fiercely, gathering Shirayuki in my arms in a protective cocoon. I _will never_ feel any regrets that I took her first.

My only regret is that soon, the future will be uncertain for us.

My heart thumped in pain, even as I smoothed out her skirts around her waist.

And just as I was about to let her down, she made a significant move.

"It's not over yet?" she questioned in a timid manner.

"Why-" I paused, glancing down at her reddening face.

My shaft reacted immediately, straining inside her sheath; growing hard again.

Instinctively, I pulled her even closer, not even a breath separating us.

"And here I was trying to be considerate." I replied in a teasing manner.

The corners of her mouth lifted a little. "There is no time for consideration."

 _Yes, yes of course. What am I thinking?_ It may be months before I see her again; months before I hear her voice, bask in her laughter. Go blind with the glowing red of her hair.

My _kara sevde._

Or it might be just weeks or days. That is, if I seriously wanted to pursue her.

More than half of me agreed with this plan.

And what about Zen? My inner voice wondered. What will he think?

 _All is fair in love and war._

Propping one of my hand above her head, this time, I did not hold back. I took her again and again without restraint, without shame.

* * *

I woke up even before the sun has fully risen from the horizon. I can hear the clattering of hooves from somewhere outside.

I stretched a little, feeling deliciously tired; as if all my limbs have been used in all manner of workout in the short amount of time I spent with Shirayuki. Even now, lying between the sheets, I can feel her skin gliding against mine. My nerves tingling with anticipating and excitement of seeing her again.

 _Shirayuki._

I blinked.

I shot out from my bed, realizing that today is the day she is departing for Lyrias. I glanced down at my haphazardly thrown bed clothes. I was so tired last night that after I brought her back to her room, I can barely summon the energy to go back to my own bedroom. I promised myself I would tell her that _I_ was the one she was with the whole night. I do not wish to deceive her. Not after what I experienced. What we shared.

Shirayuki struck me as the kind who will get angry but understand. I may be the rottenest person alive, to violate her under false pretenses, but the feelings I have for her are genuine.

Or so I hope that she would accept me still. But what if she didn't? Wouldn't?

I jammed my foot in the pair of discarded brown boots at the bottom of my bed. But even as I buckled my pantaloons hastily, I heard the thundering of the horses' hooves, signaling the time to depart.

 _No!_

I hurried towards the window in front of me, hands on the brass handles, wrenching the framed glass door open. The soft morning sunshine bearing down on my face.

Running to the edge of balcony, I saw that the carriage containing Ryuu and Shirayuki has departed. The Starlight Gates were wide open, the team of horses gliding past smoothly without a hitch.

I felt my heart sank in defeat. And here I am thinking, I can somehow try to make things right for her. What happened last night should have been discussed face to face. Our matter is not something we can write about to each other.

A little dejected, I strode back into my room, bands of steel clenched over my heart, squeezing it tightly.

That's when I spied it.

The lock of red hair tied with a silky green ribbon.

Hypnotized, I approached the side table next to my bed gingerly. I was not being deceived. It was indeed _her hair._

And beside it, a tight scroll of parchment. With trembling fingers, I took the parchment and unfurled it.

My eyes were drawn to the brilliant, cursive writing I admired when I first met her.

 _If thou must love me, let it be for naught  
Except for love's sake only. Do not say,  
'I love her for her smile—her look—her way  
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought  
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought  
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—  
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may  
Be changed, or change for thee—and love, so wrought,  
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for  
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry:  
A creature might forget to weep, who bore  
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!  
But love me for love's sake, that evermore  
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity. _

I sat down at the edge of the bed, clutching the scroll of parchment and the long lock of hair she left for me.

 _She had known. Known all along that it was me._

I wished I was there to see her face before she left. To see those eyes that I blindfolded. Despite the temporary handicap, I gave her, she _knew_ it was me. And she did not reject me at all.

How foolish. I was blinded by jealousy and the desire to dominate her. I was overcome with stupidity. Why did I not tell her exactly how I felt?

Because I was a coward, that's why.

The two years of separation now seemed unbearable. Lyrias is so far away that a mere fortnight of traveling is not enough. My chest twisted in pain, knowing that I have let her down.

She saw through me and the narrow-mindedness I displayed to her. And yet, I was cruel enough to snatch her at a moment's notice and have my way with her.

What am I to her? Am I worthy of this woman?

I took the lock of hair went to my dressing table, rummaging around for the pocket watch my grandfather gave to me. Zen has an exact similar watch which he lend to her when she visited Tanbarun.

I clicked the locket open and placed the tied silky strands tenderly, lovingly. A memento from a stolen time.

I shut the clasp with a snap.

 _It's not over yet._ I told myself. I whirled about and began to do my morning toilette. A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts and a series of servants came bearing jugs of warm water and clean towels to wash my face. My valet entered last, bearing neatly ironed clothes that I have to wear for the day.

When I finished, I stood before a gilded mirror, my valet doing the final touches of tucking and tying.

" _But love me for love's sake, that evermore. Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity."_ I murmured to myself, a plan beginning to form in my head. Something has to be done.

"I beg your pardon, Your Majesty. Was the clothes not to your liking?" the valet asked.

"No. It's perfect."

He bowed low and left.

I stared back at my own reflection.

 _Shirayuki shall be the best queen Clarines shall ever have._ I promised myself.

There was another knock to my door before it opened.

My cute younger brother entered and bowed.

"Brother, I am here for my next scouting assignment."

I turned to face him and gave him a favourable smile. "And so, you are." My brother looked tired, but he seemed happy as well. A little determined, yes. He still has no idea of what I have done. But someday he will know. Soon, maybe. When I enter the arena to claim Shirayuki's heart for my own.

 _All is fair in love and war._

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **1\. Translations:**

 _La douleur esquise –_ (French) Exquisite pain. It is used to describe the heartbreaking pain of wanting someone you can't have.

 _L 'altra medità di a mio ànima_ _–_ (Corsican) The other half of my soul. This phrase was inspired by the Costa Rican expression of describing their significant other " _media naranja"_ which means "the other half of their orange."

 _Mo chuisle mo chroi –_ (Gaelic) the pulse of my heart.

 _Kara Sevde –_ (Turkish) Black love. A lovesick term for when you feel that passionate, blinging love for another person.

 **2.** The poem at the last part was written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, an English poet in the Victorian era. She is best known for her poem, _How do I Love Thee_ or _Sonnet 43._ The poem above is entitled as _If Thou Must Love Me or Sonnet 14._

The poem begins with the poet expressing her feelings about how it is not superficial love she desires but it is true, honest, and unconditional love that she seeks. She does not want her lover to love her for her smile and looks because she knows those eventually will fade. She does not want her lover to love her for the qualities that can be seen, which will eventually go, fearing that at that point her lover will not see in her what he once saw and will leave her. The speaker also does not want him to love her out of pity and sympathy because when there won't be anything for him to feel sympathy about, she fears he will then not have a reason to love her anymore. The poem ends with how it began and with a general message of how it is for love's sake that she wants to be loved, not for anything else.

I was toying with the idea of a love quote about acceptance. But then I remembered Barrett-Browning and search for other poems. Luckily, this poem seemed really made for this one-shot, and I decided to use it to express what I think Shirayuki is feeling when she realized that instead of Zen, she has given her first to Izana. While I know most of you are fans of Shirayuki x Zen pairing, I am always drawn to Izana, and how I would have liked Shirayuki to end up with him rather than Zen.

 **3.** Lastly, while it sounds romantic forcing your will or dominance on another person, you must always ensure that the feelings should be mutual, and that there is **consent**. I deliberately tried to be careful about writing that Shirayuki is being _forced_ to do something she doesn't want by Izana. This one shot is created with the full knowledge that _Shirayuki knows_ what she is doing and to whom she is doing it. Nowadays, one should be careful when an individual says NO to a situation he/she is not comfortable with, _especially_ women. So readers out there, I encourage you to speak up when you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. You have the right to say NO when you don't want to do something others are forcing you to. I hope I get my message across.

Thank you for reading this work.


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